You don’t need to be lonely anymore.
I used to suffer with extreme loneliness. I believed because I was alone it meant I’m unlovable, no one cares about me, and I don’t have a soul to talk to. I’d lay in bed for hours watching time go by and having a pity party for myself. I’d binge watch tv, not talk to anyone, and cry into my pillow with my dirty hair sticking to my face. I had a constant empty feeling in my chest. I was too tired to put on a brave face so I stayed home and isolated myself. Which made me even lonelier!
This was me… hit reply and let me know if you ever feel like this too.
Why am I sharing this? Because I want you to know that changing that feeling is possible even if you’re single. I’m single and I never feel lonely like that any more.
I want to share the secret to that with you.
First let me say… These are NOT the reasons you’re lonely:
- you’re single
- you’re not doing things
- you’re disconnected from people
Surprising right? But I promise these aren’t the reasons you are lonely:
And here’s NOT the way to relieve loneliness
- do anything and everything you can to keep you as busy as possible
- find a new partner, any partner
- get drunk and watch Game of Thrones
- get a Hobby and get a dog
No, no, no – these aren’t lasting solutions to loneliness. But in this FB LIVE I did, I’m sharing with you exactly what are …
Not into videos? Here’s the 5 tips I shared in this video!
#1 CONNECT TO YOURSELF
Have you experienced loneliness even while in a relationship or a crowd of people. Why do you think that is?
Because relief from loneliness is not found in someone else.
You have to connect to yourself. You don’t feel lonely because you’re disconnected from your ex. You’re lonely because you’re disconnected from yourself.
What does connecting to yourself mean?
- learning to just be with yourself
- taking off the mask and getting to know what’s underneath
- ridding yourself of the mental noise and being with yourself – no distractions
- checking in with yourself
- getting to know your own thoughts and emotions without judgement
#2: QUESTION PAINFUL THOUGHTS ABOUT BEING ALONE
The beliefs you hold make you lonely. To ease loneliness, begin by listening to the thoughts that come when you feel lonely. The more you think something, the more you believe it. Stop yourself when you’re thinking painful thoughts about being alone. Ask yourself if you can know that the painful thought is true. This exercise creates a different perspective of what being alone means.
# 3 : GIVE TO YOURSELF
When you’re feeling lonely, this is the time that you need you the most. You have to give yourself love and attention. Looking outside of yourself to fill that void will never work. Do for yourself what you’ve been seeking others to do for you. Because you deserve it.
And use alone time to do what works for you. Some people will tell you to get out there, go to a bar or go to dinner with friends. But if that kind of activity doesn’t feed your soul, then don’t do it. Don’t fill your time with just anything. To heal loneliness do things that feed your soul.
#4: GIVE BACK TO OTHERS
One of my favorite quotes is:
“I was sad that I had no shoes until I met a man that had no feet’.
When you feel lonely, consider people less fortunate than you. Giving back to others will get you out of your own head and lessen your loneliness. Caring for others will help you feel gratitude and put your own blessings in perspective. Spending time helping others will feed your soul and free your mind from focusing on being alone. And it will help you feel good about yourself too.
#5: TELL PEOPLE YOU ARE LONELY
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Open up to the people in your life, let them know you feel lonely. Everybody can relate to feeling lonely. Telling people, and getting it out of your system, will lessen your feelings of loneliness. People can’t support you if they don’t know you need it. Who knows what invites you may get! Spend time with people that soothe you while doing activities that feed your soul.
We can’t think our way out of pain but we can act our way out of it. If you want to feel differently, you have to act differently. Period. There’s no way around it.
So based on these 5 tips, what’s one action you can take today to feel less lonely?
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